My end is only the beginning
by Poisonrose22.5
Summary: how exactly were the Cullens "changed?" what were THEIR thoughts before, during and after? WARNING: slight graphic content.
1. Chapter 1

_**DISCLAIMER: **_**though I do wish it, I am not Stephenie Meyer. Except in this one weird dream I had where…...never mind. **

_**Carlisle POV**_

I didn't want to do this, but my father was old, and I hated to disappoint him. I grabbed my torch, motioning for the others to follow, others that were dedicated, more dedicated than I, to the hunt of these… creatures.

We crept slowly forward, the torches illuminating the faces of the others ranging from frightened to hard set, as if waiting for a battle to break out at any moment.

As we neared the city hall, I saw a shape emerge from the grate, an impossibly handsome man, dressed in a dark cloak. He looked around, noticing us, and lunged in the other direction.

We followed, chasing him down street after street, and I marveled at his speed and agility. I was the fastest, and was soon ahead of the others. I finally cornered him in an alley, while the others were still a street away.

He turned and lunged at me, his teeth ripping at my throat, my arms, my face. I screamed in pain. That was when three of the strongest men came running at us. He dropped me and turned on them, savagely biting, I could hear sucking, and one by one, they fell.

I watched, half in horror and half in fascination. More people were rounding the corner, and he began to attack them too, so I seized my chance. I began to slowly, painfully crawl away, pulling myself on hands and knees towards the opening.

I got out of the alleyway and collapsed, face down on the cobblestones. I could feel my life force draining out of me. And that was when the fire started.

Intense burning pain began to form at my wounds, and it was all I could do not to scream and writhe right there in the street. I had to get to a shelter, to hide while this liquid fire coursed through my body.

I painfully pulled my head up an inch, taking in my surroundings. I spied a half-open cellar window and made for it, pulling myself through and tumbling in. I saw that I lay on a pile of potatoes, and from the smell of them, I guessed they had been down here for some time. I buried myself in them, and then let myself over to the pain.

It was a very long three days. Every second was a torturous monotony, each moment had me wishing to die, but I held strong. Finally, it was over.

Sighing with relief, I climbed out of the rotting potatoes. Then I blinked. Something was very wrong. I had always had good eyesight, but this, this was something else.

It was nighttime the one window confirmed that. So therefore, the cellar ought to be pitch black, but it was not. I could see every stark detail clearly, every spot on every potato, every water stain on the walls.

I waved my hand experimentally in front of my face, and was shocked by what I saw. My skin was snow white, and there were no scars anywhere on it, though I knew there should be. I turned it over, looking for the scrapes on my palms where I had fallen, and found none.

Then there was my throat, which burned as if someone had kindled a fire in it, dry and burning. I knew this could mean only one thing, but I refused to even think it.

"Oh no, OH NO!" I yelled, surprising myself with my strangely musical voice. I jumped up and ran to the other side of the cellar, and grabbed a pot hanging there. I turned it over and stared into the distorted reflection it provided, confirming my worst fears.

My face was white as a sheet, beautiful even distorted. But the thing I feared most, looking into that reflection, were the bright red eyes staring back at me.

Just then, the door opened, and a large woman bustled down the stairs. At the foot, she turned to face me, and her eyes widened.

Her smell hit me like a brick wall. The fire in my throat erupted and I lunged at her, so fast that she had no time to scream. I sank my teeth no her throat, right at her jugular, savoring her rich blood, more delicious than any meal I had had as a human.

It was not until her body was almost completely drained of blood that I realized what I had just done, and by that time, it was too late. I stared down in horror at her lifeless form, horror coursing through my body. I was a monster. And monsters had to be exterminated.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

If you do not know, it is very hard to kill a vampire. My first efforts had proved fruitless, jumping from the town hall had only caused a pile of rubble on Main Street, and drowning had completely failed, as breathing was not a necessity. Therefore, I turned to the last option left to me. Starvation.

I walked out of London, running as soon as I was out of sight, until I got to the wilderness. I wandered through the forest, until I came to a natural cave. I crawled to the back of it and sat down, trying to make myself uncomfortable, and not succeeding.

This cave became my prison. As the days and weeks dragged on, I weakened continually, and the fire in my throat grew stronger with each passing day. Finally one day I crawled back to the opening, desperate just to see the light of day once more. As my eyes adjusted, a herd of deer came along.

I was to thirsty to care if my prey was man or beast, and I tore into the animals with vigor. When I had drained three of blood I looked up. Startlingly, I felt replenished, almost as if I had just drunk human blood. Pain flared in my throat. Almost.

I was elated. Had I not eaten venison as a human? If I could feed only on the blood of animals, I could not be a monster. I could walk among people again; show my face in the town again. I ran excitedly off. First stop; France.

**How do you like? R&R please?! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi. Stephenie Meyer, I feel with you. Your characters are so assertive; I now have them with me. They would both like to speak. Carlisle says that I didn't get the language right for his story, but that was because I really wanted people to be able to understand it. (and I'm not sure I did such a hot job on that either. hope this one is better) and Edward says that I edited his too much. Well, the fact is, Edward has a dirty mind (not in that way) and a dirty mouth. So I took out all the cuss's, which is why this isn't as long as it could have been. On a somewhat unrelated note, this fanfic is called endisbeginning on my word files, and Metamorphosis on my document manager.**

_**Disclaimer:**_** I dun own nothin'. **

_**Edward POV:**_

I knew I was close to dying. I painfully turned my head to look at my mother. She smiled, though it was strained. "The doctor… Edward, the doctor. He is a good man; put your trust in him. He will save you."

How flawed her hope was. My mother had always thought the best of people, this was no different. Speaking of the devil, the doctor, a Dr. Carlisle Cullen walked over just then.

"Hello, Elisabeth, Edward." He smiled warmly at us. My mother motioned to him to come closer, whispering something I could not hear. From the part of his face I could see, he looked slightly shocked, but then composed himself. "I'll see what I can do, Mrs. Mason. Then he walked away.

_**Carlisle POV:**_

I was making my rounds as usual. I smiled at each patient I checked on, and in this hall, there were many. Near the end of my rounds, I came to two of my favorites, Mrs. Elisabeth Mason, and her son, Edward.

"hello Elisabeth, Edward." I said pleasantly. I would be sad to lose these two, her optimistic attitude and his charismatic wit always seemed to brighten my day.

Elisabeth was close to death. I would try to make her passing as pain free as possible, though I could do nothing for her boy, if he lived long past it.

She motioned to me. I leaned over, turning my head o her lips, tough I really could have heard the whisper a room away. "Save my boy, Carlisle, save him, I _know _you can."I was momentarily shocked, did this woman know about my secret? No, I decided, probably not. Just an optimistic woman's faith in modern medicine.

I walked away.

_**Edward POV: **_

I saw my mother's eyelids flutter, and knew she was on the cusp of death. I reached over the small space between our cots and grasped her hand. "I love you, mother." I whispered. "I love you too, Edward," she said, her voice hoarse. Then her eyes closed, and she was still.

I lay there staring at her still form for a long time, salty tears streaming down my face. I was alone. There was no one left, first my father now my mother, gone, gone, gone. The realization crashed down on me that I would die alone, and brought fresh tears to my eyes.

I had strange dreams, blurry, and I could not tell if I was awake or asleep. Blurry visions of the doctor standing over me, a look of indecision on his face. Then his face set, and he leaned over me, his mouth open, and it faded out.

Then came the pain.

_**Carlisle POV:**_

I sat in my office, a long while, contemplating Elisabeth's words. I had been alone for centuries, and Edward was a wonderful boy. What harm would it do to have a companion? I could bite him, and have a companion for all eternity.

However, therein lay the question. What if he didn't want to go? What if, completely by accident, I released another human killing monster into the world? Could I live with myself then? I mulled over this for a long time.

I decided to act. Stealing quickly to the cavernous room, I located Edward's cot and approached it. With a small twinge of grief, I realized that the cot next to him was empty. Elisabeth must have passed on in the night.

I grabbed the boy and seconds later was back in my office. I carefully laid him on my desk. His eyelids fluttered. I paused, not sure how to continue. I had been a meal, but how did you do it when your intent was _change?_ My best bet was to re-create the wounds I had gotten, though I knew how intensely painful that would be.

I began to carefully sink my teeth into his throat, and then moved on to his hands, arms, proceeding to every spot I remembered being bitten. The boy began to twitch. I sat up, wiping blood from my lips.

Then the boy began to writhe and scream.

_**Edward POV:**_

It was pain, pain as I had never experienced, and it was everywhere. I screamed, screamed for death, and writhed, my limbs flailing, as if I could somehow shake the pain from me. I felt almost nothing else, though at one time I could swear I was being carried, and another that I was being set down.

It was truly a cruel trick of fate that I kept my consciousness through all of this that I had to endure each grueling second of torture with the full extent of my mind. When the pain finally began to ebb, I was so relieved that I did not immediately notice my surroundings.

When I did, I was astonished. I was in a cave, with Dr. Cullen at my side. He had a worried expression on his face. "Doctor?" I asked, and then furrowed my brow.

Several things had registered to me in that moment. First, my voice had a strange, musical quality it had not possessed before, second, my throat burned like hell, thirdly, I fet no sign of the influenza that had plagued me for so long, and fourthly, I could hear him talking, in a strange, muted tone.

…_.Poor boy doesn't know what's happened to him….. wonder if he'll hate me….. __**"**_I don't." I interrupted. He looked up, confused. "Hate you, I mean." I clarified. He still looked confused, but seemed to dismiss it. He must have thought that he spoke too low for me to hear.

"Well, Edward, I am sorry to tell you that I have some news." Does he mean my mother dying? I thought puzzledly. But then I heard him say …._how to tell a seventeen year old boy that he's a vampire?.... _"

I'm a _what_?" I asked incredulously. "Hmmm?" "You, you just said…I just heard you say…" his brow furrowed. Perhaps my eyes had been clouded by illness when I saw him last, but he was a very handsome man.

"Edward, I haven't said anything." _….perhaps he was a schizophrenic?......_ "What? I wasn't 'schizophrenic, I'm _still _not schizophrenic, and please stop speaking about me as if I am not present!"

I was mad now. He was staring at me as if I was a specimen now, and it made me uncomfortable. _….hmm, I wonder. Edward, what is my name?.... _"Dr. Carlisle Cullen." _….where are we?..... _"a cave? I'm not really sure. We _were_ in Chicago."

Dr. Cullen smiled warmly at me. "Edward, you can read minds." "What?" I nearly screamed. "And you are, in fact a vampire."


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi! People! You reviewed! I have 4 whole reviews! At least! Thanks…… so, my adoring fans, here cometh the next chapter, which is probably the saddest. T_T**

Had I come all this way just for this? Had I fought through it all just to have my only point of reason die, right here, in my arms? Wait, let's rewind.

My name is Esme, and I guess my life hasn't been that great so far. The best beginning, I guess, is the beginning of the one who has just ended.

FLASHBACK!

I couldn't believe it. He must be lying. Pregnant? I must have voiced my thoughts aloud, because

Dr. Mason smiled and said, "yes, Mrs. Evenson." I nodded slowly, trying not to express the turmoil in my mind. _Surprise. Anger. Passion. Love. Fear. _The last I felt, not for myself, but for the little one inside of me, having to live with _him_ for a father. NO. I would not, could not allow it.

When I think back, running away was surprisingly easy; it was the worry and planning that made it so terrifying. I planned for weeks, every day afraid that Charles would discover my plans, or the small stash of money I had hidden under a floorboard.

When I had enough for a ticket, I made my escape. I persuaded Charles to share a drink with me at dinner, and once Charles starts to drink, he won't stop until the bottle's empty and he's out cold on the floor.

After I was sure he was out, I gathered a few belongings and ran out the door, stopping only once to look back at the house that had been my prison for the past seven years.

The entire train ride, I fretted about what would happen if Charles woke up before I was far enough away. But the ride passed uneventfully, and no one stopped me when I got off.

Standing at the station was Rita, my cousin, a freethinking woman who I hadn't seen since before the marriage, which I affectionately called "The Biggest Mistake of My Life." I sobbed all the way back to her house, and it was only with great care that she managed to get me to lie down and try to sleep.

Despite my arrival, I soon adjusted to life in the city of Milwaukee. I taught a few classes, helped women with washing and such, and generally fit in. then, two months in, I got news. Someone had told my parents of my whereabouts, and they weren't happy.

Fleeing again was not something I wanted to do, but I could not let them find me. I ran away to the small town of Ashland, knowing that no one would think to look for me here. I pretended that my husband had died in the war, and began to teach at the small school.

Time passed, and I lived happily. Then, not two days before the baby was due, I went into labor. To anyone who has given birth, you know the pain and fear I experienced. It was a long labor, and all through it, I imagined anything and everything that could go wrong.

Then it was over, and the warm miracle of my labor was safe in my arms. Or so I thought. The next day the doctor came in and told me that this miracle would not last, that I had three days at most to be with this little angel in my arms.

Three days passed very quickly. I spent every moment with my son, the child I would never even get to name. But then, on the third night, it was over, his breathing stopped and his heart was still. How cruel that I, 26 years in this world, still had a beating heart, when this one who had not had time to understand the simplest things did not.

No matter though, I would not have a beating heart for much longer. I made up my mind then. I know it may seem idiotic to decide like that, but when the only thing you live for dies in your arms, you don't think.

I tried to think of the best way to end my life. Fire was too painful, and there wasn't a deep enough river around town to drown myself in. I decided that a cliff would be best, there was one quite near my house that would do nicely, with sharp stones at the bottom. The chance that I would survive would be slim.

I walked to the cliff early the next morning, before the sun had quite risen. I stood on the cliff ledge and listened to the sounds of the world for one last time. Then I held my arms out and let myself fall.

I felt the exhilarating high of falling for only a moment, then pain, and then my world went black.

Carlisle POV:

"Little hope…." "Too much blood loss…" "It's the morgue for her…" those were the words I heard echoing around the hospital that day. And then a familiar name Esme Platt. The cheerful girl I had treated ten years ago?

From what I had heard, this girl had tried to end her own life. But she had seemed so sweet and kind when I had treated her, telling jokes and singing to try to keep those of us on the night shift awake and upbeat. What had so drastically changed her life that she decided to end it?

I followed the doctor walking the cart to the morgue, and, once he was gone, made a snap decision. I put my fingers to her wrist, and, to my surprise, felt a faint pulse. A _very _faint pulse. If my estimation was correct, she had only minutes left.

But I had minutes. I gouged that she would not feel the pain right away, giving me enough time to get to my house. I bit her, piercing her jugular, biting at her wrists and ankles, anywhere I knew would get blood straight to her heart. Then I took her and ran.

An infuriated Edward met me at the door. "What do you think you're doing?" he asked quietly. "wait, scratch that, I know exactly what you think you're doing! What made you think that this was in any way ok?" _no time for explanations. We have to get her lying down. Quickly! _I thought.

He paused, and then accepted that I would do whatever I could for this girl. We carried her to a couch and set her down. Then she began to scream.

Esme POV:

The new pain came later, and I couldn't understand it. Had I not succeeded in killing myself? It burned horribly and I wondered if this was hell. Had running away been the wrong thing to do? Had it been such an atrocious wrong to disobey my husband that god had sent me here?

I lay in agony for god knows how long. I screamed, I know I screamed, and thrashed too, but It did me no good. Finally, the pain began to subside. Maybe I had been in limbo, and now that my sins were burned away, I could move on to heaven.

I opened my eyes to the face of an angel, and I knew everything would be ok.

***pant, pant* it's done! I'm so effing relieved! Has anyone noticed that most of the things that happen to the Cullens right before they were transformed have happened to Bella? She's jumped off a cliff, been bitten by a crazed vampire, almost been raped by those guys in Port Angeles, and probably gotten the flu at some point in her life. Ok, I LIKE REVIEWS! Even if you just want to say this is cool, or this sucks, review. Please. **


	4. Goodbye

**It's been over a year since I joined FanFiction. It was a crazy year, an awesome year, both the best and worst year of my life. But a year is a long time for a teenager, and within this past year I've encountered obstacles that are making it hard to continue on FF. Not bad things, no messy breakups or anything like that, but since I joined my life has really changed (for the better) and I need to do other things. I've loved writing here, I loved all the comments, flames and compliments alike, and I've loved the feeling of being connected. I'll be sad to let this go, but this is a part of me that I feel I have to leave behind as I journey through life. So from now on, all stories are finished, all of this is done. I'm leaving the account up with everything I've written on it, because I can't bear to get rid of it just yet, so you can still go back through what is written if you want. I'll miss this. Goodbye.**

** Write on.**

** Poisonrose.**


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